Standing on the playground today after picking up Lennon from kindergarten, I couldn't help but notice the obvious division of kids. While there did seem to be a few different groups of kids playing various games, it was also clear that Lennon did not fit into any of the groups. He sat on top of a slide playing his harmonica necklace and sort of talking to himself. He was watching the other kids and didn't seem sad or upset at all. From his perspective, maybe everything was great. For his neurotic mother on the side of the playground, it was very hard to watch. If it was the first time I'd witnessed a playground scene like this it would have been different. Last year, at preschool, the kids often played after pick up. The boys played ball games and tag and the girls ran around together. Lennon played by himself. In the mornings at drop off now, the kids all line up by class and wait for the bell to ring. No matter what order they are in, none of the kids talk to Lennon. I've asked his teacher how he is doing socially and she says "Fine. Everyone loves Lennon." But, I really get the feeling that he doesn't fit in. I don't even subscribe to the need to fit in, but I still worry. When I ask him about the kids at school he seems to like them, but none of them have asked for a play date with him.
When Mia was in kindergarten she had her group of friends by the end of the first day and they were all begging for play dates every day after that. It's not even that Lennon seems to notice. He doesn't. My concern is that he does notice, but isn't saying anything. He really doesn't seem to have any interest in the kinds of games the kids play. I just want him to find one kid that gets him. I don't want him to feel lonely.
I could be making this all up in my crazy imagination. That would be the best case scenario, I guess. I think he is such an amazing, funny, unique, wonderful kid and it makes me so sad that everyone doesn't see that in him. I don't really think they even give him a chance. It's almost as if he is from a different planet some times.
I love my little crazy guy so much. I don't ever want him to get hurt. I know it's going to happen though at some point. It's just so hard to sit back and let it.
Parenting is hard.
